Moms fighting a disease
Cati Stone, Executive Director of Komen Atlanta tells us what its’ like to for moms fighting a disease.
My daughter “L” was 16 months old when I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. For her, my diagnosis meant Grandparentpalooza at our home throughout my year and a half of treatment. For me, it meant trying to figure out how to be a mom, wife, career-girl and cancer patient all at the same time – a combo platter of competing interests. But the most important thing (so I thought) was for L to never know I was sick. Innocence only lasts so long, and I was not about to give my toddler a dose of reality at such a young age. So I did what any mom in my situation would do. I faked it.
When I lost my hair from chemo, I told her I just wanted to try out a new haircut. When I couldn’t pick her up for weeks after my mastectomy, I pretended like I would rather play on the floor. When she saw me wince after radiation when my clothing was too tight on my burned skin, I laughed it off.
For a while, I thought I was getting away with my little charade. But then the low point came. I took L to see a play at a children’s theater. During intermission, an usher told L that it was so nice her daddy brought her to see the show. I was pale, bloated from chemo and had nothing more than peach fuzz on my head (I rocked the bald look because I never felt like myself in a wig and couldn’t figure out how to tie a scarf around my head without looking like a fortune teller). The comment stung, but it was a wakeup call that, in trying to make L feel like nothing was wrong, I was kidding myself too. I was sick, and everybody knew it but me.
L is now 4. She asks questions, and I answer them. She sees my scars and traces them with her fingers. She knows that I had cancer, she knows I was very sick, and she knows I am better now. I can answer all of her questions, except for one. She routinely asks if she will one day have to go through the same thing I did. As much as I would like to, I cannot fake an answer to this question. All I can do is tell her that I am working alongside many others who are fighting to find a cure for this disease, and that we will never give up until we do. For now, that is good enough for her. So I speak for the moms fighting a disease.
